So here I am, squarely in the second trimester. I looked up when I first felt movement with V., and it was at 14w2d. However, we saw on the last ultrasound that the placenta is in the front this time, so I wonder if that means I won’t feel movement as much?
I’m still wrapping my mind around the idea of a little BOY… looking at some of V’s very pink baby things and feeling a sweet sadness at the thought of putting or giving them away for good.
Digging out some of my old maternity pants. Unfortunately I loaned away all my sweaters, favorite pants, and all the tops I had but one (a heather gray T-shirt – can you say frumpy???). I’m not even sure where the tops ended up, because I think after I loaned them to my sister she passed them on to someone else. I think the reason there are so few maternity clothes in thrift stores is that women tend to circulate them around their friends. I may have to bite the bullet and spring for some new stuff. But not for another couple months, I think.
I’m also going around and around in my mind about the VBAC thing. My therapist is of the very medical and safety school of thought that would never even have second thoughts about scheduling the c-section. She also thinks LLL is a “cult” (she apparently had a very bad experience trying to BF). On the other hand, my sister, as I’ve mentioned before, is a homebirth enthusiast and profoundly mistrusts the medical profession. I feel like the cartoon character with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other shoulder, except that in this case I can’t tell which is which, and frankly, I don’t think either one is either. I guess I just want to talk to someone with more expertise than I have who isn’t totally biased one way or the other, who will actually listen to me, not judge me, and help me figure out what’s best for US.
In some ways I feel like with a repeat c-section, I know what to expect and I know how to prepare for it. A VBAC opens up the door to all kinds of unknowns. It offers the opportunity to “prove” something to myself and to T., but also the risk of failure and of serious injury. (Although my sister would argue that major surgery would entail both of those as well.) I know T. is in support of the repeat c-section, but I’m toying with the idea of looking into the homebirth option; apparently some people around here do go that route although I’m fuzzy on the details (e.g. if they have an MD backup or not). So far I’ve been leery of hooking into the local “alternative” birthing network just because I don’t want to be judged by closed-minded people. Ironically.
The doctor I talked with at the OB/GYN I’m going to now was very sweet and kind and basically assured me that if I could guarantee she’d be the one to deliver my baby if we go the scheduled route. Which in a normal labor and delivery scenario isn’t the case, you get whoever’s on call. So round and round I go in my mind. I suppose I’ll get there eventually.