List

Tomorrow I’m taking the day off. Saturday is my birthday (43! As prime numbers go not the prettiest, but still prime. So thinking of myself as being… well, like that number!)

Things I hope to do tomorrow:

• get my hair cut
• buy a new purse (old one is falling apart)
• see about getting new glasses
• yoga? pilates?
• read a book in a cafe

Right now it is pouring, pouring rain… waiting for it to slow down before I head home…

Raining

I just got back after a week away (for work), which included a full day of R&R in a colonial city by a volcano, a perfect cone overlooking streets filled with blooming jacaranda trees. I still feel detached. When I start to think too much, to feel too much, the gremlins in my head start talking – “You could be replaced by a brick and nobody would even notice the difference.” Is this depression talking? I tell myself it’s not true even though, at the deepest level, it feels true.

It’s been so dry, but now it’s raining. I wore sandals today and left my raincoat at home. It doesn’t matter. “Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better.”

I don’t want to be so melancholy. Or do I?