I have so many random thoughts coursing through my neural pathways that I don’t know which one to pick. I’ve written long, lovely posts in my head at 4 a.m. several times this week and still sit and stare at the blank screen with nothing to say. I’ll try some bullet points here and then maybe segue into something more thoughtful.
- If I get one more e-mail from my MIL with yet another unsolicited opinion about baby boy names – always followed by the standard “whatever you decide will be great I’m sure” disclaimer which is supposed to neutralize the invasiveness I suppose – I will scream.
- I am at a loss for how to divvy out child care help over the next few weeks. My parents are here until the 25th, and then we probably won’t see them again for another 2 years as tickets to Albania are prohibitively expensive for them. Our sitter keeps offering to stay overnight to help with V but my mom seems to feel a little insulted by the implication that she can’t do the job herself. My MIL told me she’s already “in grief mode” about us leaving in September and wants to watch V as much as possible. I hate being the person who has to weigh all these different interests and claims on the children cause dangit, they’re my kids and even though I do NEED the help – I need to spend time with them too. T and I were talking about it last night and it just stressed me out to no end because I’m the one who has to decide.
- Yesterday we got a little tour of the Family Birthplace Center at the new hospital where we’ll be delivering tomorrow, and I felt a little sad seeing the L&D rooms – they are HUGE – knowing I won’t ever have the chance to use one of them. I thought I’d come to terms with the repeat cesarean – but there it is. More on this later, I’m sure.
- In a little over 24 hours we’ll meet our boy… I think we have a name but I feel more resigned to it than excited about it. What bugs me most is that it’s #22 on the social security list for 2009. Too popular! At least it’s not trendy (there’s a difference – Daniel, e.g., is popular but not trendy. Camden, e.g., is trendy but not overly popular).
- It’s blitzin’ hot today and our small house (just under 1,000 square feet, 1 bathroom) is feeling small with four adults and 1 toddler living here. I’m still incredibly thankful my mom is here helping me out so much. I thought a good thank-you gift for her would be a ring or necklace with the grandkids’ birthstones. I just have to figure out when and how to get one and/or who to delegate to get it for me.
- Overall I feel much more calm and collected about this upcoming birth, so much less scared and freaked than last time. Even though so many variables are different – including the glut of grandparents hovering around, and worrying about how V. will deal with the change – I feel much better prepared about what to expect. That’s kinda nice.
Ok, I guess that’s it for right now. I woke up at 4 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I’m going to try to nap now. I want to write more about my feelings about L&D/ repeat cesarean too… maybe this afternoon.