This is for Mel’s weekly Show and Tell, which I will link to when it goes up.
Archive for March, 2009
A while ago one of my husband’s colleagues announced that he and his new wife are expecting a honeymoon baby. When T. told me, we were both silent for a minute and then said, almost in unison, “I hate them!” I guess the lingering bitter aftertaste may last quite some time.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me sad – this was the day four years ago that my BIL died. We never found out what the cause of death was. My sister found him on the bathroom floor in the morning and called the paramedics, but it was too late. Their daughter was 6 months old. She has remarried and has a new baby now, and my niece calls my new BIL “daddy.” But we still remember A. He was one of the most generous people I’ve ever met. Whenever we talked on the phone, he always said “I love you” before saying goodbye. He was like that with everyone in his life.
And so, with loss on my mind and in my heart, I hear a song on my playlist that reminds me of my cousin, M. He was only 23 when he died by suicide. He knew how to juggle and was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. The last time I saw him he taught me some swing dance steps, at another cousin’s wedding.
Someone who lost his wife at age 27 once told me “cover your loved ones in death. That way you will live so you have no regrets.” It’s not to be morbid, but to hold them mindfully. Not let things slide. The last Christmas we had with A., he only appears in 2 or 3 family photos. I still regret this. I’m sad V. will never know her uncle, at least on this side. Who knows what is on the other.
So… recently I have started getting really nostalgic for when V. was a newborn. And thinking about starting ttc again. And feeling like it could be possible to survive two little ones, after all. Screw convenience in terms of the rest of my life, I’m 36 now and I can’t afford to fart around. But I’m still breastfeeding, and no sign of my period yet. I had in mind to wean at 1 year but don’t know whether she and I will be ready then… but possibly… I just don’t know… I guess it’s a process, not an event. But then, how long do we try on our own before going to the doctors again? I’m going to have to dig around and try to find my basal thermometer, buy some more OPK sticks… June. Do nothing about it until June. That’s the plan.
I think I may have missed the deadline for posting, but I just came up with three entries:
A New Orleans Dr. called Grumbles
Has blogged her successes and stumbles
With crazy Aunt C,
Her mom Crack Lady,
And how baby L’s cookie crumbles!
Rachel’s a phenom with cake
A triathlete who’s still on the make
She’s gentle and kind
Through her comments you’ll find
This Raspberry Chip is no flake!
Fertilized Farah in Florida
Will never leave readers bored-a
There’s always adventure
but never censure
To miss this blog you can’t afford-a!
(Why do I always end with an exclamation mark?!)
It doesn’t feel like my birthday… I’m in the middle of an exam for PhD candidacy… but I had a piece of chocolate this morning to celebrate, despite giving up sugar for Lent.
Last night I was feeling sad about turning 36, thinking of my deteriorating eggs, but at the same time so thankful for the little one who is (knock on wood) taking a nap right now.
Hope all readers are having a good day today.
It’s spring break here, so we went to see my family for a few days. When we got back, I gathered up my resolve and called Brianna. No answer, so I left a voicemail asking her to call me back sometime. The next morning (today) I got an e-mail from her (no subject line):
I am emailing you to inform you that i will no longer be able to watch V. Nothing in particular has happened, however i just feel like i am no longer a good match for what you and your husband are looking for. I hope that you are able to find some one who fits your needs.
This is what I wrote back:
I was hoping to do this at least by phone rather than over e-mail, but I guess we’re on the same page – I do want to thank you for trying again with her/us. I appreciate your gifts in child care but I agree that it hasn’t been working particularly well. I wish you the best with your studies and everything else.
Ok… so I guess the first line of my response was a little passive-aggressive… but I was irritated that she quit before I could fire her! Silly of me, I know. I feel relieved, but also apprehensive about the coming week and being able to get my work done.
Such a tempest in a teapot. Well, now I know, next time, don’t get dazzled by credentials, look for fit in terms of personality and general philosophy of life as well.