Non-IF

Someone I used to babysit has been blogging about his separation and imminent divorce, in a series evocatively titled “Anatomy of an Effup.”  I’ve been moved in ways that are hard to name, reading his posts.  Some of it has to do with the feelings I have about the place where we both grew up, and some has to do with the way his story brings to memory the exquisite pain of my primary college romance.  I don’t have a specific quote to hand… and the blog is not in any way about infertility, but I wanted to post something today and this is what is in my thoughts right now.

Loved this post from Pam at Blood Signs

This one isn’t about infertility, but it’s such an eloquent statement about cultural appropriation and commodification vs. learning and sharing:

“I have to believe that the difference between exploration and exploitation is the heart that we bring to the experience, the knowledge and respect.”

This thought really struck a chord with me as a fledgling anthropologist, as the daughter of missionaries, as a person of mixed ethnic ancestry that includes Quechua – the Native Americans of Peru.  You can read the full post on Pam’s blog, Blood Signs.

Bummer

Spot is here, Aunt Flo on her way.  Not that I expected any different, but wow – this is bringing back the summer of 2007 – so weird.  Except I’m not hammered on peach mojitos this time around.

remembrance

Go read this short, sweet post from Tears Are For Babies:

Had I not miscarried in February, today would have been that day. The day that I marked on my calendar with giant letters declaring “Baby Due.”

Here’s hoping I can get through today, and for that matter… the rest of the week. My beta is one week from today. Let’s hope it doesn’t rain.

Full Heart

Thanks for all the encouragement and advice on the BFing/TTC post.  I used OPK sticks this month to time the Forced Death March, though I’m not expecting great results since I ovulated late in my cycle which seems to be what I do without Clomid.  Short luteal phase.

Anyway, trying to get a lot of work done this morning but distracted by the weight of JOY in my heart – our dear friends with whom we watch Star Trek every week just brought home their adopted baby boy!  After a miscarriage, they were diagnosed with out-of-control endo, plus PCOS.  They gave IUI with injectibles a try, then turned to adoption.  After waiting almost 2 years they have their hearts’ desire.  I just cried and cried when I saw the e-mail and looked at the pictures online.  They are going to be such loving and fun parents.

(I also had a really strong I WANT ONE! reaction when I saw their little one… specifically related to his ethnicity, which I might write more about some other time because it can be a fraught topic).

I also just finished knitting a pair of baby socks for another good friend who has reached the 20-week mark with her second pregnancy; the first ended in an early loss, followed by the discovery of a grapefruit-sized ovarian cyst.

I have this impulse to shower both these couples with baby clothes, home-cooked meals, books, blankies, and on and on… though I’m having a hard enough time just keeping up on the home front.  I have to be realistic about what I can actually do.  And what they might actually need!

Just so happy.