The good news is my proteinuria is down again – 240! I feel validated that I’m taking good care of myself – and being cared for by a loving “village” as well.
Even so, my doc wants me to go back to the specialist at the fancy hospital an hour away next week, for another high-level u/s and second opinion again. So my calendar is filling up with medical appointments: Monday NST, Tuesday 24-hour urine, Wednesday NST, Thursday u/s. It is starting to feel like a job.
They also went ahead and scheduled me for a cesarean at 38 weeks (+ 2 days) – July 7 at 10:00 a.m. So he’s assuming I’m going to make it til then. What I recall my doctors saying when V. was born is that past 37 weeks they don’t really see much point in letting the baby bake any longer, since by that point they generally do just fine outside the womb, and it just prolongs the period of high risk to the mother. If I were to go into labor on my own naturally before then, the doc would just want to see how things progress but be prepared to go to cesarean if things stall out along the way. Because of my previous c-section induction isn’t an option.
For the most part, I feel like I’ve made my peace with the idea of having another c-section. In comparing notes with friends who’ve had emergency cesareans after long labor, it seems like having had the time to prepare mentally and emotionally before hand made a big difference for my peace of mind and ability to be emotionally and mentally present at the birth and to make sure that I had a say in some aspects of the process that were important to me – like ensuring that T. would be with the baby the whole time while I was in recovery, and that I’d spend as much time with her as possible as soon as possible. I also think that the scare we had 2 weeks ago with the prospect of immediate delivery and a NICU stay put things in another perspective for me. The fact that I’m experiencing pre-eclampsia for the second time makes me think that (at this advanced age anyway) – this is just the way my body handles pregnancy. Perhaps I could have avoided it through better diet and exercise in the first and second trimesters… perhaps not. I’ll never know. There is no part of me (right now at least) that wants to do this again.
At the same time, when the nurse called me this afternoon to confirm the scheduled cesarean, a little part of me felt suddenly deflated and sad. One of the ironies in the situation is that he has been consistently head-down since forever ago… if only V. had been head-down, I might have had a chance at an induced vaginal birth with her, and would have had the option for induction with this one too. But that was something completely out of my control.
It is what it is.
So the cesarean is now scheduled for 2 weeks from when T. gets back from Albania, and 3 weeks before my parents leave, which is pretty much the best possible timing I could ask for.