What would I do/give for that?

The first time around, it felt like please oh please oh please god I’ll do ANYTHING, just let me have a baby so this pain will stop.

Now I have a baby.  Well, a toddler.  And I adore her.

And I want another one.

And I’m still breastfeeding.

And I know that weaning will increase my chances of conceiving again.  In fact, my ob/gyn probably won’t want to prescribe the little magic clomid pill until I stop nursing.

And it’s so hard to stop.  Because she doesn’t want to, not yet.  And while I’m not a lactivist/attachment/natural parenting diehard like my sister is, my approach so far has been very much influenced by that philosophy.  It feels right for her, for us, to still be breastfeeding at this point in time – and it’s not a lot, usually about 4x a day these days (more if she’s not feeling well) – but it’s a lot more than the 1x a day I’ve set as our next goal. 

So how hard do I push it? 

What do I take away from my existing child in the here and now in order to create a better chance for the possibility of a sibling in the hazy and indeterminate future?

I think it would be good for her to have a sibling. 

It feels very out of reach at this point.

Thoughtful Thursday – a borrowed post

This from Photogrl at Not the Path I Chose:

On the same line of thinking, though, I don’t dislike who I am now. Do I wish I hadn’t suffered 5 pregnancy losses? Of course. I wish that I could hold those babies in my arms, instead of only in my heart. Yet, when I reflect on who I am today, I see a stronger, caring, more worldly woman. One who is more compassionate. One who sees the big picture better. One who hugs her daughter a little tighter.

“What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.” is another popular phrase.

That’s what I’m trying to do.

Read this

Natalie at Relaxing Doesn’t Make Babies got her BFP.  If you know the backstory, you too will cry tears of joy for her as she writes:

“There were no words, just happiness.”