Nothing

I have done nothing today.

Well, that’s not entirely true; I got up with V. at 6 and fed her breakfast, dressed her, changed her diaper, introduced the new shoes that her chiropractor recommended (which so far she hates) and then held her for half an hour while she sleepily watched Sesame Street on YouTube while waiting for Grammy to pick her up and drive her to her standing Friday morning playdate.

Then I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours, until my mom came and got me for lunch – sandwiches and grapes.  After lunch my mom put V. down for her nap and I lay in bed reading Blood Signs for three hours (Pam is an amazing writer and lovely person).

There is so much I COULD be doing… sorting and organizing my clothes, transcribing interviews, reading articles pertaining to my research (dozens downloaded in PDF format on my laptop…)  I completely lack the will to tackle these projects, even though I now have the time… lots and lots of time…

I mentally berate myself for being such a slacker but then I really don’t care.

Dinner at my MIL’s tonight.  I still kinda feel like she’s stalking me… but I’ve also come to see that part of it is her attachment to V and fear that she’ll lose the connection now that my mom is staying with us.  It’s easier to be tolerant when you feel some compassion for someone.

***

Thank you, by the way, for your notes of encouragement, support, and advice.  I feel like I’ve been really self-absorbed for the past two years, on the whole, but even more so in the past two weeks.  Have to remember Mel‘s slogan – something about how the love you take is equal to the love you make…

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