Archive for the ‘icky details’ Category

$^%)*(^@&*^#

May 20, 2010

I messed up my urine test.  After collecting a huge jugful of pee for 24 hours, I forgot to put the lid on the jug (it was in a cooler with ice, so I didn’t see it for some reason…) and just as I was walking into the lab I heard a slosh… opened the cooler and realized I’d spilled like a cupful of pee.

So I have to do it over again.

The main reason this is so frustrating is that T. is scheduled to leave Monday for Albania, and the outcome of this test, and subsequent decision tree that follows (like, say, if they decide the baby has to come out RIGHT NOW), he might have to cancel the trip.  If they think I can hang on for another week or two, he could come back early and be here for the birth.  It’s just really hard to know what to do.  And now, we won’t know the results until Friday at the earliest.

I feel like such an IDIOT.

Hormonal

November 14, 2009

Hm, Tara may be onto something.  This is my 6th period post-partum, but it’s been the most hormonal so far.  Sore breasts, bloaty, low back cramps, the works.  And I suspect that the day V. quit nursing was the day I ovulated, so I’m wondering if there’s a connection there? 

Actually I just discovered today that I have a plugged duct on the left side!!!  Boooo!  I thought it was just hormonal soreness but apparently it’s more than that.  I guess I’ll just have to break out the pump again with a hot compress and hope that works.  What!!!

On the other hand, we just bought tix to see U2 next summer with a bunch of T’s cousins!  Who knows if we’ll actually make it to the concert or not (what with possibly being in ALBANIA and all) but if we can… we have tickets!

CD1 again today

November 9, 2009

Since I’m not really writing this stuff down anywhere else – Cd1 today.   I feel a new resolution to call the  ob/gyn, since it has now been 6 months of unprotected sx since I got my period back.  I think we should have them do a SA again too.

Yuck.

I’m 36 and feeling old.

not taken for granted

November 3, 2008

So I finished the grant application.  It was a lot of work.  I don’t know how good it is.  I keep thinking of things I should have presented differently, other authors I should have cited.  But it’s done, and it was my best work given the constraints I am under.

I put it in the mail on Saturday morning, and promptly developed a splitting headache followed by an episode of food poisoning.  Ugh!  For a moment while I was battling nausea, feeling exhausted, repelled by the thought of food… I wondered if I could be pregnant again?  It would be way too soon, really.  And ironic and strange.  But after the bad food I ate finally came back up and was purged from my system, I knew it was just food poisoning.  I drank some ginger ale and my headache ebbed away.  Today I’m kind of sad knowing that it was just food poisoning.  Sad and glad. 

Oh, I have to tell y’all about my dream the other night – a reviewer for the foundation I submitted the grant to was scolding me for referencing one particular theorist, saying “Philips is very problematic, especially in upstate New York!”  When I woke up I was thinking about it and realized that 1) my last name sounds like Philips, and 2) my project has nothing to do with upstate NY, but it’s where I live right now… so what I’m actually worried about is that I am not good enough, me personally, as opposed to my actual work. 

Now that I write it out it doesn’t seem that funny, but at the time it kind of made me laugh.

Don’t Scare Me Like That…

February 8, 2008

All is well. But I had a heck of a scare this morning. When I got to my office, I went to the bathroom, where I absent-mindedly checked the TP (as always) after wiping. And saw blood. I stared at it in terrified incomprehension. My first thought was, do I have a cut or lesion down there? Because it was a bright red smear. And then I remembered that I had used the same TP to blow my nose (BEFORE I peed!). It was just a winter-weather nasal-dryness little blot of nose-blood.

Damn, woman. Don’t do that to yourself.

Worry

November 2, 2007

I don’t feel pg. Is that a bad sign? This morning I woke up and couldn’t remember whether or not I’d taken my progesterone last night. I counted the pills left in the bottle, carefully counted days, counted all over again, and came to the conclusion that I have the correct number left that I should have, indicating that I DID take it last night. I probably should have called the nurse but I … didn’t want to bother her… I called T, and he thinks I took it. “So you think my counting is more reliable than my memory?” I asked. I just have no memory of taking it. I can remember snuggling into bed, I remember reading for about half an hour before turning off the light, I remember having a hard time falling asleep, I remember counting sheep… I just don’t remember sticking a little pink pill where the sun don’t shine. But the instructions are very clear about not taking two at once. And I counted days and leftover pills three times. So I hope it’s all ok. I just keep wondering whether the critter is really still alive or not.

EW!

September 6, 2007

Is it any coincidence that EWCM starts with “Ew”?

Calculations

August 28, 2007

BBT still holding steady… brown spotting… cd36?!?!??! I haven’t seen cd36 since, oh, 2000.

Here is my conundrum: my sprm donor can only be here on the weekends (Thurs p.m. through Mon p.m.). My clinic is closed on Sundays. On Clmid, I ovulate around cd14. Without it, it’s usually cd 18.

So. If I want another IUI attempt, I have to start my cycle on a Saturday, Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday.

Tomorrow is Tuesday.

Nothing I Didn’t Really Already Know

August 25, 2007

I woke up this morning about two hours before my alarm was set to go off, with a full bladder and steady bbt. I lay in bed for about 20 minutes trying to fall asleep again, or think about something else, but finally decided to stop groping my stubbornly un-sore boobs and get up. I didn’t get out the HPT right away though – I peed into a cup and left it on the bathroom floor while I went to consult this web site, and then this one. I didn’t ask if I was pg, just if I should test. The first one was quite interesting – ambiguous (of course) but interesting. I felt peace about taking the risk. The 8 ball only said “maybe.” (I wish I had an aletheometer.)

So I dipped the HPT into the cup, following directions, and got a single, brilliantly pink line gracing the little window. “Ok,” I thought. “So that’s it.” I found it interesting how much I didn’t seem to mind.

About an hour later I was checking e-mail and not really thinking about it, when all of a sudden I just started to cry. It felt like my heart was being squeezed in a vice grip. Not sure how long it lasted, I just let it play itself out.

So it was a sad day. I’m not going to change my ticker until AF officially gets started, but after a single glance I was unable to look again at the slender, dark-haired woman in the laundromat with the toddler and the baby bump. I bought some yarn and wine but it didn’t really make me feel any better. I think this might be the only thing that would really help right now (but he’s still in Colombia).

One of my goals in life is not to be self-absorbed but right now, even though I’m reading all your blogs, my heart’s not in it. I’m sorry.

Timing

August 17, 2007

All right people, I need some advice. Sunday night I’m going to a grad student potluck where alcohol will freely flow (I’m assuming). Sunday is cd28 (my ticker is off by one day and I didn’t feel like fixing it). I was planning to POAS Sunday morning so I would know whether or not I could drink. But then I started thinking, what if it was a BFP? I wouldn’t want to tell anyone, but a few people know I’ve been trying and I wonder whether I could hide it. I don’t know. I think I can be pretty inscrutable when I want to be. Part of the issue is that I’ve put on some weight over the summer, and I’m worried that that factor combined with abstaining from alcohol will make people jump to conclusions (founded or unfounded).

Maybe I have to accept the fact that NOT EVERYBODY THINKS ABOUT THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME EVEN THOUGH I SEEM TO BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT NOTHING ELSE.

Maybe the best ploy would be to slowly sip a glass of wine (at least hold it for a long time) but not actually drink anything, and not POAS until there seems to be reason to.

I’m trying to ignore my rack, which is currently fitting perfectly into a bra that was too big three weeks ago. But I’ve had too many cycles of big sore boobs with nothing to show for it to consider it anything too significant.