More maudlin musings

So I took Oz to the doctor this morning; he’s been off all week, since Sunday really – sleeping a lot, drinking a lot of water, peeing a lot, complaining about a tummy ache. Sunday and Tuesday he developed a fever in the wee hours, around 3 or 4 a.m., but it was gone both times by mid-morning. 

Gimli and I had a HUGE disagreement about whether there was anything wrong or not. I finally “won” this morning but it still really annoyed me that he didn’t see what I was seeing – I felt belittled and dismissed. Although I don’t think that was what he meant to communicate. 

Wednesday I took Illyria to visit a small school near our house. They have some kind of arrangement with the preschool where the kids are now, such that it’s really easy for the kids to move from the preschool into this arts-focused elementary school. Although I’d had a really positive impression from the principal when I met her about a month ago, I wasn’t so impressed with the school building when we got the tour of the whole thing. It seems really bare, and small, although the kids are well-dressed and very clean and tidy, and one little girl ran up to us and said to Illyria “I know you!” and they took one another’s hands. I spent a good ten minutes or so talking with the classroom teacher where she’d be assigned which was nice. 

When I asked Illyria later what she thought of the school, she said “good! Fun!” which is what she’s said about every school we’ve visited so far. We’re going to take her to see one more, the one Gimli and I visited in the last post. We want her to be included in the decision. 

At the small school, they’re ready for her to start yesterday if we want, even though we haven’t actually finished the application process yet. At the big school, they told us that we’d actually missed the application deadline but they are still interested in us because they want more international students at the school.

Tuition at the small school costs 1/3 what the big one does. But then there’s part of me that’s thinking “you get what you pay for”…. 

The small school doesn’t require the kids to wear uniforms, and on nice days they all go and play in the small park that’s 1.5 blocks from our house. The big school does have uniforms, and they also have a library, a professional-standard soccer field, ballet classes, science labs…

I hate making decisions for other people. How can I know what is truly in someone else’s best interest?

I heard from my dissertation committee today… they have serious doubts whether I can be ready to defend in the late fall this year… but my advisor is telling them that I am very motivated right now. When I sit down to write, I delete two of every three sentences. I know that if I spin my wheels long enough I’ll catch traction and actually make progress – that’s what happened in January. But then I look at the time I have, and how packed March is going to be, and I start to panic. Two friends and I have formed a small support group to egg each other on and that’s been insanely helpful. I just know it’s not what would be available if I were actually on campus, and I wonder what I’m doing with my life?


5 Responses to “More maudlin musings”

  1. tara Says:

    Is Oz better?
    Tell Gimli how you felt- he needs to know that.
    I’d try to remember that you can always switch schools later for Ilyria, right? So you’re going to make the best decision you can with the info you have but it doesn’t lock you into anything.
    Sorry it all seems so frustrating

  2. Rachel Says:

    I’m glad Oz is feeling better.

    I can hear your stress about school. I hate making decisions for other people too, but unfortunately kids are terrible decision makers so we have to help. Like Tara said, you can always change schools later.

    • Elizabeth Says:

      True, and I don’t want to burden her with the responsibility of making that decision. I had a good talk with my SIL yesterday and I think I know what we are going to do. I have to figure out how to manage my anxiety around it , is all.

  3. St. Elsewhere Says:

    Well, what happened between you and Gimli about Oz’s condition is similar to what I and DH can spar on. The symptoms you described definitely indicate that there was some underlying issue.

    Well, you send the girl to this school, and if it does not suit your purpose, you can always switch. I think a little less formal setting in the beginning isn’t that bad, but that is just my opinion.

    Be well.

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