I feel emotionally wrung out and exhausted. This is going to be another venting post about school applications, so you can skip it – I totally understand (“it’s bad when you annoy yourself”).
So, a couple weeks ago when we found out that Illyria didn’t get into the school we’d applied to, Gimli made this appointment at a bilingual school that some American expats we know sent their kids to and liked a lot, so we went there this morning to meet with the admissions person and check it out. It seems like a really good school. The downside is that it’s on the more expensive side, and is way the heck across the city from where we live – about an hour commute back and forth.
More to the point, I discovered that anything related to school admissions is now a huge anxiety trigger for me. I was tense and snappish all morning before we went, and I had a stomach ache by the time we finished the tour and presentation there. Over lunch Gimli probed a bit and then said, “It seems like you’re scared that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Illyria, and people are going to not understand her or not like her because of it.” I said “That’s almost word for word what I was just thinking,” and immediately broke down in tears.
That’s it right there. And I don’t know what to do about it.