I have to write something. ANYTHING. I’ve been sitting in front of my laptop for an hour while Gimli has the kids out, and I have nothing.  The past few writing days I’ve had, I’ve been re-reading scholarly articles but today I don’t even know what the point is. I can see the shape of this thing, this dissertation; I have a pretty good feel for where I need to go with it, but every time I try to take hold of some part of it to actually make it so, it just seems so slippery. I can’t seem to get any traction.

I have in my mind two visions of the future – the one in which I finish, and the one in which I don’t. I want to be the version of me that finishes.


2 Responses to “Time”

  1. Esperanza Says:

    Oh, I know that feeling well. I’ve been there. Never with anything as important as a dissertation but I remember sitting at cafés during the precious child-free moments when I was in grad school, just desperately needing the words to come. And they wouldn’t. I think that is one of the hard things about trying to be productive or creative when you have kids: you can only work at set times and when the inspiration hits you may miss your chance because there are little ones needing you. That is hard. It’s hard to have that pressure to get it done before your responsibilities as a mother resume again. I’m sorry you’re struggling to get started. I hope inspiration comes knocking at a moment when you can answer the door.

  2. Rachel Says:

    I’m sorry. I wish I could give you some advice on how to get it done. Sometimes I have to force myself to do a project, just 20 minutes and then I can quit. Often, it helps. When it doesn’t at least I made slight progress. I know writing is different though. Hang in there!

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