In  few days, I’ll be getting on an plane to Guatemala for a 2-week work trip. Without my family. This will be my longest time away from my littles. I’m both excited about the professional development aspect… and reclaiming a bit of my sense of self… and terrified about missing them. And them missing me. My in-laws will be coming to help out for 11 days while I’m gone – I won’t actually see them myself, but I’m really thankful they’re taking the time (and expense) to do this for us.

I realized something recently: I find motherhood as exhausting and frustrating as I find it rewarding and satisfying because I just don’t have very good parenting skills. I just don’t. I watched a young single woman interacting with my kids the other day and saw how good she is at it. At setting boundaries. At being calm and creative and sensible. I think I need a Super-nanny intervention or something. I’m just not very good at this… and I think that’s why I never really liked being a SAHM.

I know I’m learning… it’s all a work in progress… but I wonder what kind of damage we’ll all be undoing for the next 15 years because of mistakes I’ve made in the first 3/5?

Gimli bought me a jade plant last weekend. I love it so much. I also bought myself a dozen hand-made soaps and some incense sticks… and suddenly our apartment feels so much more like MY home. It’s a good feeling. 


2 Responses to “Blurbs”

  1. Rachel Says:

    “I watched a young single woman interacting with my kids the other day and saw how good she is at it.” Anyone can be good at anything for a brief period in time. I also bet you are a lot better at it than you give yourself credit for.

    And yes parenting is exhausting and rewarding.

    I recently read a book, “The Nurture Assumption” it was an incredibly interesting read that could either freak you out as a parent (if you think your kids are turning out well due to great parenting skills) or be very freeing (if you think you aren’t doing a good job parenting). Basically it says research shows that parents and parenting have little influence in the outcome of children. The author says peers are the biggest influence. It was really interesting.

  2. tara Says:

    i was thinking the exact same thing as Rachel- anyone can do an amazing job for a short period of time, but they get to trade the kids back in when they’re done…
    so are you being a little hard on yourself? you may be parenting better the more you get time for yourself too…
    anyway, i’ve heard the same stuff as the nurture assumption- there’s this threshold of good parenting that you need to meet so that your kids will be ok, but beyond that- all the little stuff we worry about is that- little stuff and really isn’t as important as we think it is.
    so gold stars for caring about your parenting but don’t take it so seriously 🙂

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