That Blessed Arrangement (that dream within a dream)

My cryptic situation continues more or less the same (the daily discipline of maintaining healthy boundaries). But I’m unpacking deeper layers of what needs work in our marriage (now also a working partnership). The Enneagram has helped me understand Gimli a lot better, but it has not given me much in the way of signposts to a better working relationship. One of the goals I came up with for my 40th year was to help him become a better person. This is very much in my mind right now. It’s hard, no? With your partner? He needs to feel like I have his back, so it’s hard when I see him hurting other people – my instinct is to rush to their defense, and then he feels betrayed. He can be incredibly generous to those under his care whom he identifies as “his” – his family, his tribe, his people; others, not so much; and if he feels like someone outside the circle is impeding him in some way he can be almost cruel. I feel like there are people on our team that he hasn’t adopted, in a sense, into the “my people” category, and so when they do things that he feels like go counter to what we are trying to accomplish, he has been cruel to them, and then I’m left cleaning up the mess. It’s been very hard to talk with him about this (and yes, I’ve tried more than once). Our organization has a leadership coach on payroll whom I’m hoping to talk with sometime in the next 2 months because I truly have no signposts for how to move through and out of this dynamic. I also explored ways to have our direct supervisor approach him about some things she’s observed, which I think may have a lot of traction since he respects her tremendously.

I’ve had no movement on my Project Dreamcatcher goals; I kind of knew that was a likely scenario given everything I’ve had going on in the past 2 weeks… and in the next 2 weeks, for that matter… I hope to get back on track when we return from vacation at the end of July. Meanwhile, I have confirmed with the Big Red graduate school that I have until August 2014 to finish my degree, and no more. So…. must. Buckle. Down.

Send some love, if you can, to the Nitting Kninja as their life gets knocked down, turned around, and more or less stomped on.


3 Responses to “That Blessed Arrangement (that dream within a dream)”

  1. Esperanza Says:

    I can’t even imagine how complicated and stressful it would be to work with your husband in partnership role. I know my partner and I would have a VERY difficult time with that. I really respect all you’re doing to try to make it better. I hope you find a strategy that works for both of you and makes you feel more secure in both your marriage and working partnership.

    Abiding with you.

  2. jjiraffe Says:

    Yeah, I’ve worked with my husband before and it was really. Difficult. We weren’t equals and that was hard. Best of luck to you as you embark on making it work.

  3. Rachel Says:

    I’m glad you are working on the boundaries, one day at a time. I imagine it would be difficult to separate the work & marital relationship with your husband. Hang in there.

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