Look

I’m sitting in a library – an actual library – on a crystalline-cool fall morning, wearing my “student” clothes (worn jeans, long-sleeved striped shirt in grey and black with faux button-down collar and cuffs, denim ballet flats) with three solid hours to work on a paper I’ll be presenting at a conference just over a month from now. Also on my to-do list: apply for absentee ballots, find time to hang with friends we haven’t seen in two years and won’t see for another five, take a nap with Oz in the afternoon. On my “done” list: long-overdue checkup at the dentist (THREE cavities!!! Boooo!); picked up visas for Colombia.

Shifting and overlapping identities. Adjust the lens and a different layer comes clearly into view, then recedes into blurred dimness. The colors and patterns of my life, my self – there’s something stable through the ebb and flow. Academic, adult child of missionaries, advanced maternal age. Liminally Latina. It all comes together behind these dark brown eyes. These are the eyes through which I see the world.

Who will I be today?

I feel so happy right now. The sunlight poured into Millie and Phil’s living room at a slant through the blinds this morning, the kids played contentedly with the smorgasbord of toys and puzzles at their disposal there, Gimli and I drank our coffee and talked over the schedule for the day. “Not in a hurry to get to work, are you?” he asked. I started guiltily and said, “I’m just enjoying this.” He said “Yeah, I am too.”

So many unknowns in front of us. We have (furnished) housing and child care lined up for us already in Bogota, a team anxiously awaiting our arrival as it will ease their workload significantly (they’re in an interim situation since the previous national director left in June – although she’s still around, is now regional director, and will actually be our supervisor!), and a Skype conversation last week cleared up a lot of our questions about what will be happening the first few weeks at least in logistical terms. But the biggest unknown for me is, how will the kids cope? How quickly will they learn Spanish? What will school be like for Illyria? She loves it here – loves it. Will she like Colombia?

So that’s where I am right now. It’s been haaaaard without regular, scheduled child care to make time for blogging. Now that Gimli’s picking up the slack a little more, I hope to be more present here.

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3 Responses to “Look”

  1. Esperanza Says:

    Wow. So much change. So many transitions. I hope it goes well for all of you. Good luck with your paper. You can do it!

  2. Rachel Says:

    You sound so happy! I think your kids will do great picking up the language and I think they will do well overall with the changes. It kind of makes my nerves about a cross town move seem silly.

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