blogging myself out of a mental hole

I’m fretting about my dissertation. Spinning wheels in my head. Two weeks ago I sent my committee a thought blurb about some analytical directions I was thinking about, and haven’t heard anything back at all. What does it mean??? Did it suck so badly that they can think of nothing to say, except “um, this is dreck, please go back to square one and start over and then come back when you have something that’s actually worth our time to comment on” but they’re too kind-hearted and so are delaying giving me the bad news, just avoiding the ugly task of telling me I suck and don’t belong in a PhD program after all??? Or – that I’m obviously not capable of balancing motherhood and academia at the same time and I should just give up???

Or are they just really busy and haven’t had time?

Gimli says I have self-esteem issues (yeah yeah, but that doesn’t logically RULE OUT the possibility that my data and analysis are, actually, dreck). It’s kinda hard to get motivated to keep working when I’m not sure that the work is worth anything.

Isn’t this a fairly universal problem, though, for pretty much all writers? LAME. I just need to get ON it.

I’ve also committed to helping a friend do bulletin boards for the pre-school nursery/Sunday School at church, and making soup for a church/work acquaintance who just had a baby. I think I’ll make pumpkin and potato soup with sausage meat balls and parsley. Much more fun than transcribing these endless interviews… but also time away from work – unless! I do both projects with Illyria instead of on my work clock.

Okay, now that’s out of my system – back to the grindstone. Thanks for listening.

***

Sister update – I think my dad’s taking her loss really hard, since it happened while my sister and her family were staying at my parents’ house. I suggested they plant a tree in my parents’ back yard. It’s spring in Peru, so possibly a good time of year for that.

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2 Responses to “blogging myself out of a mental hole”

  1. Rachel Says:

    I think loss is hard on entire families because it is so hard to know how to help.

    Maybe your email just got buried, maybe send a brief follow-up?

  2. tara Says:

    i’d definitely send a followup email- you know how flighty those academics can be 🙂 maybe they don’t know it’s a priority for you?

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