Sad

Thanks for your kind words on the last post.

It’s hard being so far away. Feeling so completely helpless, unable to do ANYthing. I called yesterday, but my sister was nursing the 2 year old and unable to come to the phone at the moment. The time zone difference sucks too. She wrote me an e-mail later and filled me in on the details. All her symptoms are gone. And that detail just seems to me the saddest of all.

I’m not sure why I checked my e-mail right before we left the house for a picnic lunch yesterday, but by the time we got back home again for naps I realized how hard I’d been clamping down and compartmentalizing. I felt brittle and snappish. It was a gorgeous fall day, the light long and low and golden at noon, new grass underfoot from the return of the rains after a very dry summer. It should have been a perfectly peaceful and lovely time in the park – and it was, it was – but only half of me could be there with my own little ones. Who seem all the more beautiful themselves, now.

It’s hard to accept that there’s nothing, nothing I can do to make the sad go away.

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3 Responses to “Sad”

  1. slowmamma Says:

    I’ve had the misfortune of being on both sides of loss and I feel like it has given me the understanding that, while there is really nothing we can DO and nothing to substantive to say, being there matters. The phone calls (even when they can’t be answered), the messages, the cards, the emails, the whatever. It’s about knowing that someone is there for you. It DOES make a difference.

  2. Rachel Says:

    I completely agree with slowmamma.

    Hugs to you as well.

  3. Claire Says:

    You’re a good sister. Ditto what the others said. Sending hugs to you and your sister.

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