Everything depends on tomorrow’s urine test.  Today we went to the big fancy hospital for a second opinion, and learned that the baby is “great” and “perfect” and doing really, really well.  But having my proteinuria as high as it is?  Well, if it stays that high, I have to go on hospital bedrest.  And because we’re only just at 31 weeks, the recommendation is that we go straight to the big fancy hospital with the NICU.  An hour away from home. 

It absolutely tears me up inside to think about being that far away from V.  I cried and cried in the car coming home just thinking about it.  I want to be here to feed her breakfast, to see her playing and laughing and reading her books, to see her adorable smile every day.  I don’t want her to have to deal with the confusion and disruption of only seeing Mommy in a hospital bed once a day.  And if she has to ride in a car an hour each way?  Oh lord.  As V. herself would put it, “NONONONONONONONONONO!”

Please, I just want to stay home.  I’ll lie on the couch all day, I’ll do whatever they tell me to, I just want to stay home.  If I can make it to 36 weeks I can have the baby here at the local hospital.  That’s my fervent hope and desire and prayer right now.


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