A Different Kind of BFN

So I got notification today that my funding application for next year’s dissertation research was denied.  I’m bummed but not surprised.  It was a long shot, and I was acutely aware of some of the flaws in my research design.  The feedback was actually quite helpful, and kindly worded.  Still… it would have been nice.  Not so much for the money, but for the validation.  So it’s back to the drawing board.

The past 10 days or so were kind of tough…we finally started CIO sleep training, which has had its ups and downs… overall much, much less night waking, but it is so hard to walk out of the room when she is crying and reaching for me… hate it, hate it, hate it.  Consequently I’ve taken a somewhat softer approach than recommended – I will go in and pick her up, kiss her, and then put her down before walking out again.  She’s never cried longer than 30 minutes before going to sleep.  Just before starting CIO I spent two nights sleeping with her on a mattress on the floor in her room, just to see if co-sleeping might be the answer – next to no sleep for me those nights.  As timing would have it, that was just when I was starting my second exam….  How can you THINK when you feel jet lagged and hung over all the time?  Pounding headache, heavy eyelids… I started drinking coffee again, after 4 years. 

So I finally finished the exam, after getting a 2-day extension.  It’s ok, not my best work, but not complete suckage.  Two down, one to go (first week in May).

I have to say though I am SOOOOOOO HAPPY right now that my SIL is coming to stay with us for almost 2 weeks until we go back to Ithaca!!!!!!  She is going to help look after V., help me clean and organize the house, probably even paint the living room!!!!!  I LOVE her!!!!!!  I love how she dotes on V., and I love how V. has so much fun with her.  So that is my ray of sunshine for this week :-). 

I was also thinking about this summer, how much free time I’ll have… at least I imagine I will… I’m hoping to get back on track with healthy eating.  I’ve found that doing the school/mom thing means I can either cook or clean, but I can’t seem to manage both.  So I’ve been eating lots of mac and cheese from a box, tortellini, PB sandwiches, and random leftovers of baby food.  About once or twice a week I make real food with fresh vegetables and healthy protein.  It might last for 3-4 meals, but that’s about it.  If I want to start TTC again, I really want to be eating better.  A girl can dream, right?

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3 Responses to “A Different Kind of BFN”

  1. Farah Says:

    YES dream! I am so sorry about the grant/funding. I am so sorry about the CIO but glad that you have found something that works for both of you.
    YAH FOR HELP!

    I know what it feels like to be hung over and jet lagged w/o getting the fun airplane ride and boozing it up.

  2. tara Says:

    sorry about the funding that sucks!!! yea, i often find myself in the predicament of I can do one of these 2 important things but not both so which one do I choose?

  3. Rachel Says:

    Sorry about the funding. I hope something else turns up.

    As far as the eating thing, I tend to have the same problem. I do a great job making sure LG eats right, but not so much myself. 2 or 3 days a week I do great. The rest of the week I live on PB sandwiches and cereal.

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