Ruminations

So… I’m still mulling over what to do long-term about Brianna.  She came back last week, under the condition that I put V. down for naps.   This is what I used to do with my babysitter last semester… but for some reason it feels different this time round.  Maybe because I imagine this haze of disapproval wafting in from the living room as I do it, over us not doing CIO.

And I won’t say that we never will.  The option is on the table.  But it’s not our first choice, and we’re going to avoid it as long as we can find sustainable alternatives.  What we have now feels sustainable.  I put her down at night, and then T. is on duty until morning.  It’s working so far.  (Exhaustive details on our sleep training process can be found on my blogspot blog – ep-knits.)

But really CIO/not-CIO isn’t really the issue, the issue is my relationship with the sitter, and the fact that we have different philosophies about parenting in some arenas.  Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but as I go about my day, now, I keep wondering what else about us and our lives does she find fault with?  The sheets we are using for curtains?  The state of the kitchen floor?  Perhaps the imperfect baby-proofing?  Even though I presumably have the upper hand as the employer in this relationship, it feels strangely vulnerable to open my home and my life to someone I know so little.  Of course I interviewed her to begin with, but it’s not like I know her.  You know? 

In responding to her second e-mail, I addressed what she said, but not really how it made me feel.  I feel like I need to do that somehow, at some point, but I don’t quite know how.  I tried to open a conversation at the end of the day on Thursday (she comes Tues/Thurs for about 4 hours each time) by asking her to please tell me if things were bothering her, but it didn’t really go anywhere.  I’m not sure what to do.

Maybe I should ask Moxie.  Why oh why did I only discover this site NOW?  She is freaking brilliant.  And the wealth of comments?  AWESOME.

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One Response to “Ruminations”

  1. docgrumbles Says:

    sorry you are having such hassles – I hope things work out

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