low point

Yesterday sucked.

At 1:00 a.m. I lay in bed crying, thinking “if tomorrow is anything like today was, then I don’t see the point in going on.”  I was overwhelmed with the certainty that I will fail in my degree program, that I was literally going to die from lack of sleep, that my husband was a prime, grade-A @$$hole.  I asked the universe, WHY do people have kids????  (Oh yeah…I guess this is why… but in the moment, such was not clear to me.)

Today got off to a better start.  School was on a 2-hour delay, so T. was able to stay home and play with V. this morning while I worked on yet another grant application. 

While we were putting V. to bed last night I gave T. a little piece of my mind so he was on his best behavior today.  I was still mad when we went to bed though, mostly b/c he defended himself by pointing out that yesterday he did the dishes… twice… BIG WHOOP is all I have to say to that.  And he claimed to have made lunch, when in reality I made lunch.  All he did was drain the pasta, add garlic and oregano to the sauce and stir it.  I very much doubt that counts as “making lunch.”  Anyway, I was very much relating to Serenity’s rant as well.  Not so much the details as the general principles. 

So yesterday, because of the snow, I didn’t have any help at all until T. finally finished his own work and magnanimously decided he was ready to help with child care, at around 4 p.m.  I had gotten up an hour earlier than usual with a pounding sleep-deprivation headache that lasted all day.  So at that point I was in no shape to work since I could hardly maintain a coherent thought in my head.  Anyway, since Friday I’ve been obsessing completely over our new sleep regime

Last night, once I figured out (at 1 a.m. – see above) that V. was hungry, was better.  Today (so far) is better than yesterday.  I may survive.  I’m not entirely certain how.

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4 Responses to “low point”

  1. Farah Says:

    Oh my I am just so sorry

  2. grad3 Says:

    Sounds like it was rough all the way around. I hate days like that… cheers to a better day.

  3. Rachel Says:

    Sounds like we have the same husband. Hang in there. I am pretty sure you are a genius and not going to fail your degree.

  4. tara Says:

    hang in there! i hope that today is going much better for you.

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