not taken for granted

So I finished the grant application.  It was a lot of work.  I don’t know how good it is.  I keep thinking of things I should have presented differently, other authors I should have cited.  But it’s done, and it was my best work given the constraints I am under.

I put it in the mail on Saturday morning, and promptly developed a splitting headache followed by an episode of food poisoning.  Ugh!  For a moment while I was battling nausea, feeling exhausted, repelled by the thought of food… I wondered if I could be pregnant again?  It would be way too soon, really.  And ironic and strange.  But after the bad food I ate finally came back up and was purged from my system, I knew it was just food poisoning.  I drank some ginger ale and my headache ebbed away.  Today I’m kind of sad knowing that it was just food poisoning.  Sad and glad. 

Oh, I have to tell y’all about my dream the other night – a reviewer for the foundation I submitted the grant to was scolding me for referencing one particular theorist, saying “Philips is very problematic, especially in upstate New York!”  When I woke up I was thinking about it and realized that 1) my last name sounds like Philips, and 2) my project has nothing to do with upstate NY, but it’s where I live right now… so what I’m actually worried about is that I am not good enough, me personally, as opposed to my actual work. 

Now that I write it out it doesn’t seem that funny, but at the time it kind of made me laugh.

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One Response to “not taken for granted”

  1. docgrumbles Says:

    Congrats on finishing the dreaded grant app – I hope I never have to do one ever again!

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