losing it

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.  I had visions of my baby kicking and cooing in a twee little basket at my feet as I worked on the computer.  I did NOT envision nursing her side-lying on the bed, scrawling illegible shorthand notes while reading ethnographies.  I did NOT envision forcing myself to stay awake during her afternoon nap so I could work on grant proposals.  I did NOT envision literally banging my head against the wall in frustration when she wouldn’t fall asleep at night.  I did NOT envision using the hand-pump in the bathroom while the rest of the household sleeps, so I can go to class and then office hours while T. watches the baby at home.  I did NOT envision having insomnia over the combination of visiting in-laws, grant proposals, course prep, insurance absurdities, car problems, and the scratchy feeling at the back of my throat that says I’m getting sick.  Oh, and anxiety over the new babysitter I’m test-driving this week. 

It’s not going well right now.  I don’t know how I’m going to last 7 more weeks until the end of the semester.

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5 Responses to “losing it”

  1. Caro Says:

    Honestly I have no idea how you are managing it. I’m finding it hard enough and all I’m doing is looking after baby T.

    Big hugs

  2. Farah Says:

    oh i am sending good vibes your way to make it through. You can do it .. you can make it to the end!

  3. grad3 Says:

    Hang in there hun!!! I know you can do it!!!! I am sending lots of positive energy vibes your way 🙂 Big hugs…

  4. tara Says:

    i’m sorry babe! this age is when it started to be really difficult to work while willem was awake. i hope that your sitter works out. HUGS!

  5. rachel Says:

    Hang in there. It will all work out. Think about how wonderful this Christmas will be.

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