I should be reading.  I should be working on grant applications, or at the very least my incomplete coursework from last spring.  At the very least I should be emptying the baby’s bathwater, and I definitely should not be letting her nap this long (she’s a night owl – she usually naps from about 6-8, and then goes to sleep for the night at 12.  If I let her nap past 8 then she’s up until 1 or 2 a.m.  Of course, then she doesn’t wake up for the day until 9 or 10 in the morning). 

But I need a break, and I was sitting here feeling all contemplative.  I just finished reading Matt’s book – which, while not the social theory I’m supposed to be reading, was much much more enjoyable! – and it put me in mind of all those months of disappointment, the close acquaintance with the single pink line and the red TP. 

My experiences with IF and with the cesarean birth have both contributed to the difficulty I have leaving V. with other people.  The teenagers upstairs watch her four a couple hours a week, but they’re always within earshot, and they bring her to me if she cries too much.  I feel like I should put her in day care so I can actually get work done… but I also feel like she needs to be with me.  Or I need to be with her.


4 Responses to “Shoulds”

  1. Farah Says:

    I hear you on the shoulds. AND the daycare ..I am supposed to go back to work Dec and I am panicking about it . I do not think I can survive 8+ hours w/o him yet

  2. grad3 Says:

    Heading back to work next week- and feeling very anxious… so many shoulds.

  3. tara Says:

    o i will only say things to encourage you to put off daycare while you can because soonish you will be unable to ….
    it does get easier though… eventually

  4. docgrumbles Says:

    I am not fooling myself that I’ll be free of the shoulds or that I’ll easily opt for daycare. Good luck with dealing with it all…

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