The Zen: it comes and goes

So after that calm post this morning, I had probably the lowest moment of all this afternoon: T. and I had a fight. Up until now, we’ve been really good about communicating and processing what is always one of our biggest sources of conflict – family loyalties. From the moment I knew that I wanted my mom to be here for the birth, I knew we’d have to keep communication open about her coming since I have had a tendency in the past to put my family of origin before T., which makes him react in a jealous and possessive way, and that then just escalates. So we were doing really well. But with the sudden onset of this pre-E, and my sister basically dropping everything to come here on short notice, we never had a chance to process her visit. So this morning was the first time we talked about it (over the phone) and it was bad, probably the worst argument we’ve had since, oh, I dunno, last winter, I think. It was awful. He was on his way to meet with a student, though, so I had to write out my feelings on e-mail and send it to him just so I wouldn’t be stewing until we could talk again. At that point, I just wanted the baby to disappear and the whole situation to vanish, to reset to a point in time where none of this had happened. But after writing the e-mail I was able to fall asleep and to have a good nap; when I woke up, T. called and apologized and I did too and we’re all good now. He understands that I need my sister’s support, but not at the cost of his – that he is first in my heart. And I see that he was feeling pushed out by her being here.

So after all that, my sister and niece came back from their errands for the day and we played with stuffed animals, read books, and colored the rest of the afternoon. It was so delightful. And I could imagine reading to my own little one, one day soon.


3 Responses to “The Zen: it comes and goes”

  1. tara Says:

    o that is rough- A & I had a version of that fight.
    the coloring etc sounds great though!

  2. Rachel Says:

    Our fights are the opposite, I give M a hard time about his family.

    Chalk part of it up to hormones, and the stress of being in the hospital. I’m glad you worked it out though.

  3. Dr. Grumbles Says:

    you will get to do that with your own little one pretty soon!

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