Once More, With Feeling

I am so bummed. After a really good night with readings as low as 118/64, in the morning I was back up to 140/102. Currently it’s 187/86. In other words, I’m all over the place. Critter, however, is doing so well that they took me off the belly monitors altogether.

The pee test results came back; I don’t know what these numbers refer to precisely, but my number is 144, which is good: their cutoff is 300. So, no delivery today. The doctor said she expects we can hang on for at least another 2 weeks.

So that all sounds nice and calm and rational, but inside I’m still reeling. Delivery!?!?!? 2 weeks?!?!??!?! What the hell happened to SIX weeks to go?

When she told me that I wasn’t going home today, and was DEFINITELY not to travel until after the baby is born, I pretty much had a meltdown. I was supposed to go home to VA for my baby shower this weekend. My sister had bought tickets to fly in just for the event. My friends had put all this work into planning it. We’d finessed hostessing roles with my MIL.

And now there are all these fears about delivery – Critter is breech, as confirmed by the u/s yesterday. Will I not even have a chance to try unmedicated labor and vaginal delivery? I feel (again) cheated. It’s not fair. So here I am having my own little pity-party, while I try to remind myself that I’m the Mom, and I have to find the strength somewhere to deal with this upset. The point is to bring home a healthy baby. So I berate myself for having had the audacity to hope and dream for a “normal,” empowering birth experience.

My sister is thinking of driving up here to help out, since my mom’s not coming until May 28 (ah, optimism! Watch, while the universe stomps all over it!) and folks, our place is a MESS.

Enough now.

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4 Responses to “Once More, With Feeling”

  1. Samantha Says:

    Thanks for you comment! I hope that you keep the blood pressure down long enough to make it through the next couple of weeks! There’s never a break, is there?

  2. Rachel Says:

    OK, I’m gonna try to cheer you up. I had a brother and sister both born at 34 weeks. They were both fine.

    I am sorry about the shower, I hope your sister will come visit though so you do get to see some family. Don’t worry about the house, no one will care if it is messy.

    Just because Critter is breech at the moment doesn’t mean he/she won’t turn soon. Also, I have heard there are ways to get the baby turned, I am not sure if it is legit, but if you are that opposed to medication, it may be worth asking about.

    If you do end up needing medication or a c-section, it doesn’t mean you are less of a woman or a mom. In the end you will be so excited to finally meet Critter that how he/she got here won’t be as important as being here.

    Hang in there and try to enjoy your extended stay in the hospital. I hope they are treating you well.

  3. Dr. Grumbles Says:

    Sorry about the messed up travel plans.

    Just remember, no matter how the birth goes, you generally still get a baby in the end!

  4. Caro Says:

    Oh love – sorry things aren’t going according to plan.

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