North Star and Southern Cross

Sara S-P’s recent post about miscarriage and menstruation reminded me of a conversation I had with Tara some time ago that I’ve been meaning to blog about, til I got distracted with current events. (Scroll down on Tara’s blog to the post from August 24, titled “Random Thoughts.” I can’t get blogger to link to it directly.) I thought I had saved a transript of the online chat but can’t find it right now. Anyway, we were talking about how difficult it is to talk about miscarriage in certain social spaces (our church being one of them), but how helpful it is when you do find people who’ve shared the journey in some way. They become your north star, your point of orientation, and without them you feel lost.

Part of why I delayed going pwp for so long was because I didn’t want to lose any of you readers. You are all points of orientation. In the southern hemisphere where I grew up, we couldn’t see the north star (obviously) but we could see the Big Dipper, and we could see the Southern Cross. My dad majored briefly in astronomy in college so has always enjoyed pointing out constellations to me and my sister as we were growing up. I remember when I went to college in the US, the first time I saw Orion, how excited I was – everything else seemed upside down and disorienting, but Orion was completely familiar and dearly loved.

Recognition of your own journey in someone else’s experience is so reassuring. This makes me think that I should be more public about my IF journey, but it’s hard.

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4 Responses to “North Star and Southern Cross”

  1. Samantha Says:

    It’s tough to balance the need for privacy with the need to share. I think we all just need to find the right balance.

    P.S., it’s probably time to change your ticker!

  2. Rachel Says:

    I think it gets easier to share the farther away you get from it. Right after my miscarriage, I didn’t want anyone except my closest friends and family to know. Later I sort of wished more people knew so that they could understand why I seemed withdrawn, and scared about my pregnancy. Now that it has been almost 8 months, it is way easier to talk about. I still get teary eyed in certain situations, but it doesn’t seem so private anymore.

    Infertility is probably a little different because even though you have succeeded this time in getting pregnant, you don’t know if you will struggle to have a second child should you decide you want more children in the future. You’ll know when to share about your struggles and who to share with.

  3. The Town Criers Says:

    I love that analogy to the stars and seeing your own journey turned upside down in someone else’s journey.

  4. Caro Says:

    I felt the same the first time I saw the Southern cross – when I was in Peru.

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