Little Earthquakes (Here We Go Again)

I guess it was about this time last year I had my HSG. I think it was also about this time last year that I burst into tears during knitting group when someone asked me how I was.

Last night I went out for a bite to eat and browse at the bookstore with a good friend; we sat down, and when she asked me how I’m really doing, I totally shocked myself by tearing up. I talked about how frustrated I am about all our traveling and commitments this summer, because it means putting everything on hold. In fact, I believe that I am ovulating this weekend, and T isn’t even here. And it’s the first on-my-own CD14 O that I know of since I started keeping track. Does this mean we’ve just gone and missed our only chance at conceiving naturally? The more I talked, the more I cried, but it was good to talk face to face with someone. I adore blogland and spend at least an hour a day here (when I have internet access) but sometimes you need to see a human face and know that that person cares how you are doing.

I also worry that maybe we’re not committed enough. Maybe if I put everything else on the back burner and just focused on getting with child, it would happen. But both my therapist and the gynecologist I was going to when I decided to go back to school thought going back to school was a good idea. I wonder if it’s just my fear of focusing solely on TTC and failing that keeps me from doing that, because then I’d be left with nothing. Well, nothing but the Bear.

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3 Responses to “Little Earthquakes (Here We Go Again)”

  1. Samantha Says:

    I’m sorry that you are feeling down right now. It’s really hard to balance your current life with efforts to create your future life with children. I’ve had to tell myself this sometimes, when I feel like I should just drop everything for ttc: hard work and determine don’t actually make babies. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of luck in there, and a lot of things just completely beyond your control. You do need to make it a priority or nothing will happen, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also try to live your life right now. It’s hard to juggle them, but sometimes others things will come first, and sometimes your efforts to conceive will come first.

  2. SaraS-P Says:

    I am sorry this is a rough time. O’ing on Day 14 is a great sign for the future, though, since you know your body can do it. I hope things get better for you…

  3. Zee Says:

    UGH! I can totally relate. The On Your Own Ovulation thing really bites. After several months of being together (either here or there) I had a “Crap! We’re 4,000 miles apart!” cycle last month and am looking down the barrel of another this month. It makes me NUTS. Sorry you’re in the same boat. I hope it’s the last one for you guys (and for us too, of course!) a while, and that the CD14 ovulation thing stays on track.

    Thanks for the bloggiversary wishes. I really appreciate your stopping by!

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