I guess it was about this time last year I had my HSG. I think it was also about this time last year that I burst into tears during knitting group when someone asked me how I was.
Last night I went out for a bite to eat and browse at the bookstore with a good friend; we sat down, and when she asked me how I’m really doing, I totally shocked myself by tearing up. I talked about how frustrated I am about all our traveling and commitments this summer, because it means putting everything on hold. In fact, I believe that I am ovulating this weekend, and T isn’t even here. And it’s the first on-my-own CD14 O that I know of since I started keeping track. Does this mean we’ve just gone and missed our only chance at conceiving naturally? The more I talked, the more I cried, but it was good to talk face to face with someone. I adore blogland and spend at least an hour a day here (when I have internet access) but sometimes you need to see a human face and know that that person cares how you are doing.
I also worry that maybe we’re not committed enough. Maybe if I put everything else on the back burner and just focused on getting with child, it would happen. But both my therapist and the gynecologist I was going to when I decided to go back to school thought going back to school was a good idea. I wonder if it’s just my fear of focusing solely on TTC and failing that keeps me from doing that, because then I’d be left with nothing. Well, nothing but the Bear.