Who needs sleep?

The other night I was lying in bed listening to T. breathing, staring at the ceiling and wondering why a) I seem to have insomnia so frequently, and b) why I continue to have recurring dreams about poop. I mean, really, what does that say about my psyche? Anyway, when I got tired of counting backwards from 1000, or trying to remember all the books of the Old Testament in order (I was only missing six!), I started another little game.

When I was a kid I used to imagine what I would answer if a fairy godmother appeared and offered me three wishes. #1 and #2 were always to wish for blue eyes and blond hair (until about 4th grade when I developed ethnic pride), but #3 always varied. This time, I imagined what I would answer if a fairy godmother/genie/angel appeared and offered me a pregnancy (by T., of course) that would develop into a healthy baby, but as an either/or choice:

a) baby, or world peace
(world peace)
b) baby, or T.
(T.)
c) baby, or academic career in my field
(baby)
d) baby, or continued good health until old age
(good health…I think!)
e) baby, or sensible immigration reform this year
(immigration reform)

I can’t remember now what other Sophie’s choices I came up with, but it was kind of reassuring to know that procreation is not the be all and end all of my life, although it ranks up there pretty high.

I just don’t understand how two people can love each other this wholly and not be able to reproduce.

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7 Responses to “Who needs sleep?”

  1. Zee Says:

    “I just don’t understand how two people can love each other this wholly and not be able to reproduce.”

    I ask this question all the time. It just doesn’t make sense. Love like this should spontaneously produce children, even without physical contact: POOF! Twins!

    Like you, I’d also choose VB over a baby, if I could only have one or the other. (Hence, my decision not to murder him when he gets all squirrely about medical intervention!) But the problem with this sort of exercise is that, at this point, I get pissed off. Why should I even have to THINK about this? Some people get the Great Love AND the baby without even blinking an eye. Is it too much to wish that I could be one of those people? Or is that just greedy?

  2. SaraS-P Says:

    I ask that alot myself.

    It truly is an unfair biological process.

  3. Elizabeth Says:

    It’s true – the UNFAIRNESS of it all is one of the worst feelings. Regret and loss are right up there too though.

  4. Caro Says:

    I don’t understand either. Oh and the Peru guide is from our trip 4 years ago – S proposed on lake Titicaca.

  5. Samantha Says:

    I seem to go through stages of insomnia too frequently also. Your Sophie’s Choice game doesn’t sound very restful however!

  6. In Search of Morning Sickness Says:

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting – love meeting new bloggers!

    And as for that amazing question at the end of your post, I really don’t know. What gets me are the people who easily procreate when they have no desire to protect and nurture their children.

    I read this in the book “The Infertility Companion” because it struck such a chord of truth:
    “Those facing infertility wonder, “Where is God in out pain?” and, “Why does God let a teen conceive in the back of a Chevy while we- a couple longing for children- have to use a sperm wash in a sterile environment with high-priced doctor and come up empty?””

    I don’t know. :/ But for what it’s worth, I don’t think it has ANYTHING to do with self-worth or “deserves”.

  7. Rachel Says:

    I agree with in search of morning sickness. I used to have a neighbor with 5 (or more, we aren’t sure) children. She was always yelling at them and rarely home. The 1 & 3 year old were usually left in the care of the 10 year old. After my miscarriage I really could not understand why this woman continued to have children and my husband and I couldn’t.

    I also think of my brother who conceived a child with his girlfriend when he was 19 and she was 18. They were in no place to become parents yet. I love my niece to death, but her life would have been better had she been born later.

    I wish that in the children department only those who will take good care of their children were blessed with them.

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