So, I may have really screwed up regarding the friend who told me about her m/c recently. Since I’m in another state, but I was feeling really bad about it, I wanted to send her something – a card? What? I went to the campus bookstore and bought a little teddy bear that said “someone at CU loves you” on it’s t-shirt. Or at least, that’s what I meant to do. I actually bought one that just said CU on it. And I had a really hard time picking out a card. I got one with subdued flowers on it, blank inside. Then I needed a bag for the bear. The only gift bags they had were super-duper festive, so I picked the most subdued looking one, put it all together with a note in the card, and sent it to her with my husband last weekend. He says he delivered it on Wednesday. The next day I got a mass e-mail from her with a new e-mail address, so I quick wrote her a note saying something like, “T says he delivered the thing I sent you last night, I hope it wasn’t too cheesy or festive, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and am really sorry for your recent loss. Love, E.”

Did I do right? Did I fuck it up? I feel like such a prat. I’ve read tons of blog assvice about how to respond when a friend experiences pg loss, but I can’t understand what it really feels like from the inside.

I’d say she and I are pretty good friends, we used to work together back in the day, but since she had her fist kid we pretty much stopped hanging out. Not so much because of my infertility (after all, she was my first friend to struggle with IF herself, so I know she’s been there) but b/c of the change in their lifestyle. Nonetheless, she’s really been there for me a couple times when I was going through hard times. Maybe we’ll hang out some this summer. Anyway, I don’t want to bug her with annoying “didja get my message? didja? didja?” but I am worried that I may have goofed with the gift and am not sure how to find out whether or not an apology is in order. I feel shy about phoning and putting her on the spot. Maybe I’ll give it a week or two and then phone. Hm….

In other non-news, I’ve decided I will not POAS as day 28 draws near. I’ll just keep monitoring my temperature. The IUI instructions said at the end that if using progesterone a false positive is possible on a HPT, and wouldn’t THAT suck.

I’ve been eating like all the food in the world might disappear tomorrow and I feel fat.


5 Responses to “Hm…”

  1. Samantha Says:

    I think you did right with your friend. She may be feeling too upset to talk to anyone right now, but I suspect she appreciates getting the “I’m thinking of you note.” I can’t say I’ve ever experienced this, but I know at least when my brother died, I savored every card in a way I never realized I would.

    BTW progesterone won’t affect a HPT one way or the other, unless you’re using some sort of test I haven’t heard of. Testings measure HCG, and there isn’t really a good way to fake that except with the trigger shot. Not that I’m recommending you POAS or anything…

  2. thirdtimelucky Says:

    I agree that your friend probably doesn’t feel like talking much at the moment. You’ve let her know your thinking about her and that’s probably the most important thing. I’d leave it a week.

    Oh and I totally relate to the sore boobs thing but I’m trying to ignore mine.

  3. Adrienne Says:

    You did it right. She’s just not up to talking right now. Give her a few weeks and then you’ll hear from her.

  4. SaraS-P Says:

    Who knows how to do it right?

    For me, the best attempt came from a simple e-mail from my friend K, who simply wrote a paragraph about how much she loves me and wished she could make things better for me. The worst attempts involved downplaying the m/c. Don’t ever do that (not that I think you would).

    Stay away from the pee sticks (I need to take my own advice on that one most of the time)!

  5. Rachel Says:

    Having lost a baby, I think you did the right thing. It was really hard to talk to my friends the first week or so because when they cried, I felt like I had to comfort them.

    About 3 weeks after my miscarriage a friend sent me a card just letting me know she was thinking of me. I really needed to know that my friends were still thinking about me.

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