Waiting (in my Comfort Zone)

This is my comfort sock, and it’s for me. Other comforting things in the picture: bed, laptop, books, framed photo from Tara. Only thing missing: chocolate!

I was thinking today about why it is so hard when people get pg easily before we do. I think one aspect of it is the feeling that it’s not fair, because we’ve been waiting so long and working so hard at it. When we’re little and we want something really bad, like a toy that the other kids are playing with, we’re told “Wait your turn. When it’s your turn, you can play with it. Right now it’s not your turn.” So we learn to delay gratification, to wait, while others take their turn. But then, (assuming caregivers were somewhat with-it), finally, it’s my turn, and I get to play with the desired object, and life is good, and everything feels right and just.

Only with IF, it turns out that it’s not fair, or right, or just. There is no “line,” except in our minds, and there is nobody monitoring to make sure everybody gets their turn, much less in order. Or in a timely fashion. Or…perhaps…ever… and that’s a terrifying thought.

I think that idea of fairness and turn-taking is part of what makes this so difficult. Of course there’s also that incredibly visceral level of desire, that sometimes feels all-consuming. And I think this also contributes to why people can feel guilty when they finally get their turn. They know it’s all crazy luck (and science, and persistence, and money – but a strong element of chance cannot be denied); so why me all of a sudden, and not someone who has been trying longer, or has done more IUIs, IVFs, FETs, etc? Why?

The only question more torturous than “why?” is, of course, “when?”

When will it be my turn?

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3 Responses to “Waiting (in my Comfort Zone)”

  1. thirdtimelucky Says:

    totally agree. It must be our turns soon right?

    Meanwhile I’ll keep shouting “not fair!” in my head.

    I like the meez.

  2. Baby Blues Says:

    When!? When!? When!? (Stomping my feet and flailing my arms) That’s the kid in me throwing a tantrum. šŸ™‚

  3. SaraS-P Says:

    I wish there was a line!!!

    I’d be one of those people who show up the night before and camps out in order to be first in line!

    When? When? When?

    Oh, and how expensive?

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