Last Tuesday I had a little mini-meltdown; it was a weird day. So cold they closed the schools. T was here on spring break, both of us a little cabin-feverish. I had had an odd, stilted conversation with my sister on the phone the night before that left me feeling alienated and alone.

IF is so completely NOT on the radar for my grad school friends right now. They’re all, as T calls them, “randy 20-somethings” who for the most part seem to want to have kids “someday” but it’s such a remote future for them. Whereas it occupies most of my down-time thoughts these days.

Conversely, a number of the younger faculty have tiny tots here or on the way. I don’t know if those of them who don’t are dealing with IF in any way b/c that’s not the kind of relationship I have with them. I’m on the other side of an invisible divide.

I had a little cry, telling T about it; I talked about how this blog and the online community I’ve found here is where I’ve been able to find the company and companionship. I remind myself of this when I feel like I’m spending way too much time writing or reading posts. This sympathetic company, where I can see myself in others, is necessary for my emotional and mental health right now. I’m still getting all my work done (I’m just not going the extra mile with it…but whatever).

Studies have shown that kids who do social-emotional activities with mentors do better in school than kids who just received tutoring alone. I think that’s just as true for graduate students 🙂 (And profs too, T-llama!) 🙂 This is part of my social-emotional space. Thanks y’all!


2 Responses to “Company”

  1. Samantha Says:

    IF is not something most people think about; I’m really glad you have found a good community online. I know it has really helped me too.

  2. SaraS-P Says:

    So familiar! My fellow grad students were all younger and single, and now the students I supervise and work with seem even younger! To them, pregnancy is still something that happens by accident and ruins your academic career.

    I am very open about my IF and my efforts, and I do get perplexed looks. It is obvious that none of them have ever even considered these issues. Heck, I know I hadn’t at that age!

    Our dept is also weird because the faculty with wee ones all left after Katrina, so now the only full-time female faculty member is Boss L, who is unmarried and childless (and doesn’t get why I don’t LOVE frantic cv building like she does). For me, the online community is my connection to grown-ups who value children.

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