ART musings

About eight months after starting ttc and getting nowhere fast, I turned to my husband one evening and said, “I don’t want to do IVF. If it gets to that point, I’d rather adopt.”

He was surprised that I was already thinking that far ahead, but that again is just a reflection of our personalities (one likes to know two weeks in advance what’s going to be happening at 10:00 a.m. on Tuesday, while the other prefers to “wing it” – can you guess which is which?) 🙂 His response then was, “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

For me, at that point, it was more a matter of the money than anything else, and framed in my mind as a completely personal choice. Which it still is – mostly. Nothing is, of course, ever that simple. Perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised me that the idea of the IUI should suddenly start to loom bigger than I expected. I’m not sure where I’m going with this – I guess I’m trying to think through what do I really think about ART, because honestly the whole issue of whether an embryo is a person never really seemed important to me before, even though I grew up in a conservative religious environment. When I was in college, I resented the fact that politics for my peer group seemed to reduce to one single issue – abortion – and so I chose to stake my political ground elsewhere (poverty, international debt, economic social justice). This move was partially to try to aim attention at what I really do think are tremendously important issues, but perhaps in part to try to avoid the thorny ethical debates around things that I believe are ultimately unknowable (like, does an embryo have a soul?)

I hesitate somewhat to even bring this issue up because I don’t want to step on any toes. I just wonder how people going the ART route deal with family members, friends, or loved ones who are opposed to it deal with those relationships?


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