..and while I’m at it…

I know, I know, I should be reading – or sleeping -but there’s just so much to say. This post is about that green-eyed monster, so naturally the P-word will be mentioned, just brace yourselves…

I found out this weekend that a pretty, young, single Sunday school teacher at our church is pg, and that this has pretty much upset the proverbial apple cart around there. Now, I haven’t actually been to church since last summer (actually I can’t even remember exactly when the last time was – July? Maybe?) but I do know the young lady in question; I think she was also going to seminary. Anyway, the shock and horror of the parents of her young charges actually strikes me as kind of funny, as well as just exasperating. This is the kind of thing that led me to feel pretty soon after I got married that should I ever get pg, I would never, ever be able to show my face in church b/c I would just be too ashamed of people knowing that I, a married woman, am having sex… with my husband…cause, see, he’s a MAN…and good Christian girls don’t let MEN touch them… Yeah, I’m all about the stork.

But whatever. Part of me just threw up my hands and thought, you know what, it is so freaking hard for so many of us, you just go girl! Get your preggers on and good on ya! Even better if you can upset the entire church in the process, serves them right!

So… I actually didn’t feel jealous of her… Weird.

However, on Friday night when I got together with my knitting friends for a girl’s night out (very tame – we were home by 7:30 p.m. since, of course, they all have – guess what? – waiting at home needing to be put to bed – and it’s not puppies!) one woman who, to give her credit, didn’t know that I’m IF/ttc said brightly, “Oh X’s news is exciting!” I knew instantly that X, who has been trying about as long as I have, after 2 kids and 1 miscarriage, is pg. Sure enough – 12 weeks along and “huge” already. In that instant, at precisely one and the same time, I felt both a surge of joy for X (because I know how much she wanted this) and a huge wave of tears for myself, once again left behind. But I’m nothing if not repressed and anal so held it in and after a bit talk turned to other things. I have to say that this group of women has been extremely wonderful and supportive, it was just the one who doesn’t come very often that I don’t know very well.

So yeah. It’s so unpredictable. I never know how I’m going to react to someone else’s news. Just never know.

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2 Responses to “..and while I’m at it…”

  1. tara Says:

    so you know how like half of my students were preggers???
    one of them (the one who went to school with my sister and is now back for round 2)- his wife miscarried on friday…
    we talked for a while about how much it sucks… sort of like our conversation on saturday…

    mondays suck

  2. Elizabeth Says:

    Wow – hope tuesday turned out a little better. Man, that sucks. Hope the conversation was an outlet for your grief, although I imagine it was also a trigger for secondary trauma. I’m so sorry. Talk to you soon – E

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