Basically

I’m basically a pretty private person. Most of what I think about I keep in my head. I tend to have a few very close friends who get to hear a good deal of what goes on in EEP-world, but there are still what I think of as “rooms” in my head that pretty much nobody else has access to – and that included my husband. So it’s kind of weird to be blogging about some pretty personal stuff; probably why I haven’t shared this blog url with very many people (um… I think the total count is TWO right now…)

…but this whole IF thing has brought up a lot of other issues that have been more or less dormant for some time, including the whole world of hurt that involves faith, god, and the christian church. While reading the Town Criers’ best of the best blog entries from 2006, this post was the one that moved me to tears. The one about evangelical religion. It’s still a part of me, whether I like it or not. And for some reason I feel the need to write about it. Why the blog and not my journal? I don’t know. Perhaps future introspection will sort that one out.

Anyway, it’s February, one short month until March. According to my calendar, there’s not much for me to do until March, in terms of cruel and unusual effort towards conception. In March I will be celebrating my 34th birthday, our 7th wedding anniversary, scheduling a sonogram, starting Clomid, and seeing if we can’t work in an IUI as well for good measure. Ok, enough icky details! I’m off to see the Super Bowl! Go Bears!

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4 Responses to “Basically”

  1. The Town Criers Says:

    I cried through so many of those posts. It’s really amazing how much I saw of my own journey reflected in someone else’s journey. I don’t know–at least for me it made me feel less alone.

  2. Elizabeth Says:

    Thanks for posting! That too makes me feel less alone ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Watson Says:

    Thank you for your comment on my site, it totally made my day!

    I know what you mean about sharing…I haven’t shared my blog with one person in my ‘real life’ and I think that’s what enables me to be so honest.

    Talk about the icky details, I’m ALL ABOUT the icky details!

    Best of luck for your upcoming cycle of clomid and maybe IUI

    ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. tara Says:

    so i never told you that i lost it in class over a) a student flippantly asking if the reason i cancelled lab was cause i was prego (ummm, no i just miscarried… my response sort of killed conversation for a while, but it was nice just to be honest because I really didn’t know how to handle it! Does emily post address this issue???? And for all the blogs out there on IVF, not one tells you how to handle or discuss or ignore miscarriage! i mean, seriously folks, wtf i am supposed to DO!)

    which is why I loved the link the church post! and why i hate our church… a) the pastors wouldn’t even get it and b) who would be honest there!)

    then came losing it time 2: over lead toxicity rates in echem… I just couldn’t say fetus. there it is: fetus, fetus, fetus:
    you know like the thing that just died inside of me, and the only thing that happened is that i got to work harder!?!?!?!

    but the upside to being emotionally fucked, is that my students have been incredibly mature and supportive.

    i have recieved cards and pictures-

    and some students basically came in and spent the first few days in my office, just so i wasn’t alone…

    weirdest thing is that it is my guy students who have been the most emotionally available.

    the thing that still really pisses me off is that i got hopeful again (for a whole week) and that is what i really just can’t handle…

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