tears for fears

I feel emotionally wrung out and exhausted. This is going to be another venting post about school applications, so you can skip it – I totally understand (“it’s bad when you annoy yourself”). 

So, a couple weeks ago when we found out that Illyria didn’t get into the school we’d applied to, Gimli made this appointment at a bilingual school that some American expats we know sent their kids to and liked a lot, so we went there this morning to meet with the admissions person and check it out. It seems like a really good school. The downside is that it’s on the more expensive side, and is way the heck across the city from where we live – about an hour commute back and forth. 

More to the point, I discovered that anything related to school admissions is now a huge anxiety trigger for me. I was tense and snappish all morning before we went, and I had a stomach ache by the time we finished the tour and presentation there. Over lunch Gimli probed a bit and then said, “It seems like you’re scared that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Illyria, and people are going to not understand her or not like her because of it.” I said “That’s almost word for word what I was just thinking,” and immediately broke down in tears. 

That’s it right there. And I don’t know what to do about it.

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5 Responses to “tears for fears”

  1. Mel Says:

    Oh hon, people judging your child is hard. Strangers evaluating your child, acknowledging your child (or even more stressful, not acknowledging your child) is hard. Hang in there. Just know you’re not alone in struggling with this.

  2. happygoluckytireegal Says:

    Oh no! I’m so sorry!! This sounds so stressful. I thought this was the usual mom anxiety about schools but it sounds like you have some concerns about Illyria? Are they based on her being rejected from the chosen school or are there other issues at play? Either way, I really feel for you. Isobel has some odd sensory issues that I am not sure are just her age or something more serious and it scares the bejesus out if me that she’s not able to do everything other kids can do. But with a new baby it’s hard to take any steps. big hugs to you! I hope it works out well for all of you:)

    • Elizabeth Says:

      Since she was little, I’ve wondered if she might be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Lots of little quirky things that seem to make a pattern, although we’ve never had a formal evaluation done. Maybe some sensory issues, maybe something else/something more… Other people have noticed oddities in her interactions with others as well. It’s hard to weigh the cons of a “label” against the pros of more information (that might or might not be helpful)

      • happygoluckytireegal Says:

        Sorry that you are going through this with Illyria. It must be hard to wonder and to be vigilant about clues for some kind of Dx but at the same time worry that she is judged by others. Also it sickens me to think that she might have been rejected for reasons such as you describe. Big hugs. Here is hoping you find a school that you like and that appreciates your daughter.

  3. Rachel Says:

    Hugs! I know this is something that has been on your mind awhile. I have no advice, I wish there was something I could do to help.

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